I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
