Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's never too late to be topless.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
