I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
