the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
