just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
MIDGETS
????
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
