Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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