Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
