How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Your penis caused this!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
