Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
40s are totally the cure
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
