Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
