My hair reeks of homosexuality.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
