i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
