..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
