I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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