My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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