God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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