it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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