jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
