I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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