She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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