Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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