I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
