So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
