I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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