i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
