the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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