Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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