break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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