she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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