I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
be right there i have to get my cape
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
