Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
