I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
