Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
