i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
