I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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