why didn't you poke me back
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
