Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
this just has baby written all over it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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