so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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