woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
