no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
