I think my vagina is haunted
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize