Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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