If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
