You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My balls are so social today.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
