I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
