he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
