Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
