not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
