even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
