just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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