You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
