can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
